Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
