his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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