You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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