is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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