That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
