idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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