toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
