I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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