Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize