why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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