i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
