He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
