At least make sure they are 18
Why
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
