you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
