Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
