I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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