im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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