No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize