i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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