he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
