i was rollin on her like bob the builder
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
