Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize