Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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