The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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