I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
