i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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