i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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