I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
