Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so much tequila, so little girl.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
