where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
