so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
