He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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