i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
