ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
