i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
