Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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