i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
