my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
