whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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