i don't like sucking hair
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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