if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
