I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
