Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
