My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
