HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
