we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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