I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
