Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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