he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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