I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
