sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
