Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
