Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
