hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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