is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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