He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize