i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
