Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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