My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
