Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
