I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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