No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
