Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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