your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
