Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize