My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
