no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
