Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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