I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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