And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
