Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm determined to sit on that face.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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