Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
