anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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