I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
