left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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