Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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