operation harelip BJ is a go
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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