return my video game
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
