I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there was a trapeze. enough said
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
