I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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