Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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