You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
