i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
