i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
