Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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