I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize