He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
